As a child I would play endlessly in the woods that had a path that led right up to my home. I’d explore by the edge of the stream until sunset as I collected interesting artifacts from a time long gone by. I ached to be in nature, it’s where I felt the most alive, supported, safe and free. I would live off the land all day long finding wild berries and various edibles to sustain me. My toes and fingers would dig in the mud while listening to the sounds of the birds chirping and the water running over the stepping stones. I felt a deep connection to something larger than my finite self and at once grounding me back to my roots, my divine heritage....my ancestry.
In my own sweet paradise I would uncover different colored glass bottles of all shapes and sizes that were once filled with healing medicines....pale green, brown, clear and cobalt blue. It seemed as though the Universe rolled them in to my personal space to be sure I would discover them. I would create elaborate story lines using the elixirs and at the center I was always Native or African American. I lived off the land and stream and became both a pioneer and a healer using the sacred medicines from my archeological find to heal anyone who needed it. Sooo....mostly frogs, bunnies, mice, birds, fish and my cat. They were all willing to participate in my healings and my vision quest of imagined history...Or was it?
I have carried this deep primal knowing for as long as I can remember that I was from a Native tribe. It was so deeply embedded in my soul that I actually had my DNA tested recently and thought for sure it would show my Native heritage. The fact that no one in my family had ever mentioned that this was part of my lineage was inconsequential, I knew that science would prove what I had always felt. When my test results returned there was not a smidge of Native American in my blood and for a moment I mourned this information. But then there it was...I had 1.6% Asian/African DNA!! I knew it!!
Your soul is the portal to your karmic past and like most energetic connections can be felt and experienced and not necessarily measured and quantified. But here it was...proof!
This past May in the Jungle of Costa Rica I was blessed to meet a beautiful soul named Sara. She was very forthcoming and within minutes of meeting me we both agreed we had an undeniable soul connection with an ancient history. She knew nothing of my stories as a child playing in the woods and yet overwhelmingly expressed that she saw me as a tribal medicine healer in another life. We spent a week together immersed in yoga philosophy, asana, meditation, vegan food and existential inquiry while amongst some of the most amazing men and women I have ever met. Here is a beautiful heartfelt poem that I received from her when I got back home...she wrote:
From my heart to yours...
Though most can not see
The large open chest, the welcoming arms, the dark braids that line your back, holding the story of your lineage
The healing hands that guide, hold, comfort and cure
The warm earthy energy that dances and flows, engages and embraces those that need it most
The jars of ointments and creams, scents and mystical dust, your secrets of healing, so mindfully shared
I see what most can’t, but what everyone can feel...
My healer, my guide, my medicine woman
By: Sara Kittleson @kityogaspin
Love you Sara...
Thank you for seeing me,
past, present & future
I am a fierce goddess who’s untapped potential is bubbling to the surface. I prefer to navigate this life through compassion, love, kindness and gratitude. At times my gentle approach may be mistaken for weakness. I am in a perpetual evolutionary state of preparing. I can feel my life force emanating from the center of my being and it connects me to all others wholly and authentically. As my being expands and awakens, my awareness, my true nature shows me that my power is in my own divinity. I have deep reverence for all life and a profound love for the tragic beauty of this human condition. I can experience love and loss across the divides and be at peace knowing that this cycle of birth, death, decay and rebirth is eternal and I can help others find peace. I am grateful for the gift of deep knowing, abounding love and to be the co-Creator of my miraculous and precious life.
I recognize the eternal movement of the Universe as a deep primordial knowing within myself. It is a souls journey where one never arrives but ever evolves on their own path. No Ray of sunlight is ever lost.
Along the way my heart has been broken open and I am at what feels like the edge of loss and love at all times. The hard truth is that the gift of loving comes with the risk of loss. When grief comes in all its glory I recognize it as the highest form of honoring love. At times it’s masked as a slow stabbing of the heart, seemingly draining the life force within. But I have learned a new perspective and find an ironic beauty about this space. Like love, it is where all of life’s possibilities can arise. I used to brace myself each time the waves of loss would come, but lately I just sit as it washes over me and let it languish me in the bittersweet irony of existence. I find myself standing in the proverbial fire where I emerge anew. I transmute pain and suffering into healing and peace for the growth of my own soul. I have found through selfless service that my purpose is to help heal others both individually and collectively and to cultivate be-ing love, receiving love, giving love,..I am love.
A very dear spiritual healer recently told me that it was an amazing gift to have all these feelings of love and loss and to feel them fully. I am so much more expansive and so grateful for the remembering to feel things without judging or labeling them as good or bad. To be fully alive is to feel the whole spectrum. With every breath we are gifted an opportunity to have an all encompassing experience. To limit or edit our feelings is to dampen the Light of life.
To be able to still feel butterflies in your belly for the sweetness of new love, to feel the ache of compassion for a lovers last breath, to marvel at the night sky filled with celestial bodies that burnt out millions of years ago, to connect with your soul partner through deep meaningful inquiry, breathtaking prose and musical notes, to travel to sacred sites humbled by the Divine, to feel the electricity of such vibrant life force through a single kiss, to sit together and meditate in peaceful silence...
Although I’ve grown in so many ways through great loss, I recognize that it is through intimate relationship that we grow the most both spiritually and emotionally. Releasing attachment to the outcome and exhaling fully into the arms of a lover, unconditionally and without fear of saying goodbye.
My heart is aching for my twin flame, my soul partner, my Shiva. To be in a highly conscious relationship in this limited time on Earth and in this physical body, to know the highest Truths and deepest unconditional love. To be unedited in every facet, to be unleashed sexually, to know unequivocal joy, compassion, kindness and reverence for each other.
I listen to how the Universe is speaking to me, watching the way things unfold. I manifest my own hearts path, living my dharma while actively awakening my soulmate’s journey to intersect mine. To see and hear the Universe through their heart-song, to sit in silence and intuit their soul...and to finally come Home.
Sweetest friends… I just returned from co-hosting my first international yoga retreat at The Sanctuary at Two Rivers, Costa Rica with my dear friend Amanda Tran. Our guests came from Canada, Connecticut, California and Florida to spend a week in the jungle off the grid, doing yoga, meditating, eating gourmet vegan/vegetarian food while connecting back to themselves deep in nature.
What an amazing space to live in, to know that I have found my true calling, that I am on my own path and living my Dharma. I am incredibly blessed that I get to bring the gift of yoga, meditation, healing and personal transformation to others and in turn I too am healed and transformed.
We appropriately named our retreat Jungle Alchemy Journey...it was the unfolding of the Self through a journey of awakening and awareness. The transmutation of shame, guilt, judgmentalism and anger into experiences of peace, joy and unconditional love.
Through adventure and stepping out of our comfort zone’s we ignited our wild hearts. It is amazing to see what happens when you give a person enough comfort to just be themselves.
The week flowed effortlessly as we stayed in the present moment in a place of allowing, unfolding and aligning with the movement of the Universe. By midweek we had formed deep bonds and became a forever tribe.
My heart is so full to have witnessed such willingness and openness to the process. I am forever grateful to have shared this experience with such a courageous group of amazing people...❤️🦋🙏
Om Namah Shivaya!